Marco Polo
I try to stay away from news cycles. It is just not good for my heart. And I am fully aware this week like many lately may feel heavy. Given this, it feels almost insignificant to write about this—but then it is not because I believe that we really really need one another. Us humans. And I know some of us come by friendships quickly and some trusting, and our past experiences make it tougher.
I have been reflective lately. Reflective of a lot. Part having my youngest on the verge of 18, a little bit of I am not sure what I thought my life would be in this decade, but I feel like I am still trying it on for size while I show up in the meantime.
When it comes to friendship, I have been reflective. I've had some big shifts lately, in friendships over the last few years that have become more apparent. Not dramatic shifts, but slow ones. Feeling distance with a few and discovering others who have stepped in closer. Feeling full in the friendships I have while also holding small pieces of grief for those who have faded.
I am a big believer in grief showing us love. What we have loved, what we no longer love and what we may need to love in gratitude for the experience.
I accept the little strands of grief and now know not to react, or react as little as I can. I know not to chase. And I know two things can be true—it can be better for me and more full, and I can still miss those I shared time, words, confessions and laughter with. I am finding my friendships these days very simple and very real. Two things can be true. Simple as in checking in, talking about real life things—kids, jobs, spouses, good days, bad days and days that shift suddenly by noon.
My closest friendships these days have very little if any drama—we have emotion but we do not have drama. We address any discomfort in a nanosecond or nanoday depending on our will for confrontation. But we don't have gossip either. We have "have you heard she needs a little extra support these days," "have you reached out to her—last time I saw her I wanted to make sure she knows we got her" or “yes, I think something is going on but we don't need to pry we can just be there for them.”
I am finding simple but the most meaningful magic in my friendships.
Magic in friendships:
9-minute Marco Polos
I can't make it today, but I want to see you. Can we FaceTime and have tea instead?
The ability to call and cry about your day and also find balance within a 10-minute conversation
Having two friends call in one day stop by just to say hi or give a hug
Text threads that pick up exactly where they left off weeks later
Friends who remember the small things you mentioned once, even when you don't
Being seen and known without having to explain yourself
The friends who have been so patient while you are raising children, getting divorced, finding healing and finding yourself—they don't hold a grudge when time has passed AND they still want to meet up for lunch or tea or a walk or understand when it doesn't work
Friends you do not see often and know, just know they will be there at midnight if needed
Friends who feel like starlight in the midst of all the chaos of the world
